stepup2theplate-andy

Urban Monastery

2006-10-02T11:18:00.000-07:00

You can now view more about my life as an Englishman in a Canadian monastic community at the Urban Monastery website, click here

Journey of the joy in mornings

2006-08-31T10:49:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, mornings have never been my favourite time. I have for years been a night owl, but over this last year God has been taking me on a journey to appreciate the morning, I am now in a more healthy less begrudging place when I surface. Last year on Transit (a year long discipleship course with 24-7 Prayer) I learnt to let God discipline me to ‘do mornings’, coming back into this community house here in Calgary I am now finally getting into a place of enjoying the morning and appreciating it. The year of discipline I believe has led to a joy being born.

My mornings here are developing as some of us get up to pray at 6:30 am for prayer every morning. We are now a month into our Urban Monk living and this is the year of grace for us as we form our identity and work out what our rhythm and discipline will be. Last week I returned from the UK after a 2 week visit for our International 24-7 Prayer meetings. So out of the first month of this life together I have really not been part of the 1st month, however last week we started as a community to gauge somewhat of a rhythm. We all sat down in the evening together for meals and prayer happened in the house. There is still much to be carved out of life here in this place, but at least we have made some sort of a stab at it.

As I walked back this crisp snowy morning from the swimming baths, I reflected on the fall getting close to ‘fell’ as the leaves are crisping up before falling off the tree later this week beckoning in winter. God reminds me about joy in all seasons. Yesterday, Andrea, one of my housemates said to me ‘
‘You’ve had it good, you’ve had the finest summer we’ve had here in Calgary in years and now you’re encountering the sharpest colours fall have given us in a lifetime too’

So as the winter draws near, I’m conscious to pray God would you let there be a deep-seated joy in me this winter, let me enjoy all the seasons.

So I leave you with one thought and ask for you to join my prayer for snow this Christmas here for my family and me, as my parents and brother and sister-in-law join me here.

Messing About (Aboot) in The River

2006-08-21T20:05:00.000-07:00

So yesterday, on my Sunday, I took to the river with my friend Jamie Mc Mechan. It's quite a standard weekend hobby here in Calgary to take to the river to 'float' or 'tube', to sit back and relax and enjoy the sunny weather.

With precision we worked out our trip, we managed to drop a car off at the end which we left a towel for each of us and then headed to get our life jackets and paddles and then drove to our starting point. We started at 5:30 at Bowness Park, the idea being that we wanted to finish our journey at sunset. This was our first ride on the Bow which is tame, but we knew that we'd get to ride one rapid just by the downtown.

the journey took us on water that managed to swish us along at a few km per hour and also just seemed at places to not go at all, we sat back eating chips wishing we'd brought the beer and cigars with us. At times we prayed on the trip, other times we had nothing to say to one another. I really appreciate Jamie's friendship. He's a guy who I admire for his faith and his foot in reality. It's great to hear of his passion for his new college course starting in the fall and to hear his experience of community living.

Before I came to Canada, I spoke at my church commissioning service about the need to individually ride in my coracle like Brendon setting off for the Americas. I knew I was saying goodbye to a continent, but I didn't fully know where this journey was taking me. Was it to be rough waters, a mill pond, or was I going to find a bigger vessel to hop onto? I was reminded of this message of the future mystery of our journey. Sometimes I wonder as Christians whether we've become more risk aversed as we sometimes think to sit and wait for heaven and yet Faith is an adventure anything but the safe waiting to be whisked off to heaven. I look at Paul and think of his shipwrecks and prison time and am amazed at his journey.

So to the journey that I'm on. As Jamie and I tied on, our two boats coalescing together from 30 minutes into our ride down the Bow river, I start to think that this is a glimpse at our next year. In just over two weeks time we shall be moving into our community house to start a rhythm of prayer. Still there is lots left that is unknown but as we journey we shall ride the rapids together, take the current together. The river will probably have us spinning at times and other times some of us will provide shelter from the waves for the other, but one thing remains; that God will be with us as we step out.

Broken

2006-08-14T15:48:00.000-07:00

The longer time gets the more I realise that it is in my brokeness that Christ works. I've been currently reading Watchman Nee's 'The Release of the Spirit' with a group called Church of the Forgiven here in Calgary. This group meets every night at a 24-hr cafe to pray, talk about what God is doing in their lives and connect with those others in the cafe. It's an incredible environment which houses people trying to stop themselves from drifting into temptation. The cafe holds an AA meeting and lots of other people just trying to stop themselves from falling. It's what I guess in some ways church should be doing, except that this place just feels like a holding place and so God's presence can really fill the void and let people have hope and dream again.

Anyway, Dave the guy who started the group there through some prophetic evangelism asked me if I would join these guys. Dave is probably one of the true friends I have since coming here and he's great and yet also so aware of how broken he is. I too, am a broken man struggling to get home. This book has been a great one letting us get a glimpse of insight as to what God wants to do in us and through us. I think some of this journey can be summed up by a song called Broken Stones by Paul Weller.

'Like pebbles on a beach
Kicked around, displaced by feet
Like broken stones - all trying to get home.
Like a loser’s reach
Too slow & short to hit the peaks
So lost & alone - trying to get home.

As another piece shatters
Another little bit gets lost
And what else really matters - at such a cost?

Like a loser’s reach -
Too slow & short to hit the peaks
So lost & alone - trying to get home.

Trying to get home -
Like broken stones - all trying to get home.'

House Ramblings

2006-08-01T20:32:00.000-07:00

So I was looking online at this site called rentfaster.ca, where one can look for different rental properties and I find this one labelled 'Executive House' 4 Bedroom, $4200CDN a month! (a wee bit pricey for us) I was intrigued by it's location as it was the closest house to downtown that I could find on the internet, so I thought I'd take a look at the details, even if it was wishful thinking. So then under the details there's a hyperlink saying 4 Bedrooms, plus 4 possible bedrooms that are used as office, and nursery. So I then realised that this place could house us all. Even so, it's still out of our budget of $4500 including utilities.

I rang them up to arrange a viewing. So Jamie, Sherry Victor, Nolan and myself look around this place. One other thing that intrigues me was that on the advert it said close to active church of Scarboro United. We pitch up, and the lady to show us around is there, slightly bemused by 4 young adults coming to view an executive house. She asks us what' our story? To which we reply that we're part of a house church who want to live in community together! Still very unsure of this, she tells us that she's part of the local church. She's helping out her friend to rent the place out. Her friend Cindy, who owns the place, now lives in Edmonton. Cindy used to attend Brentview Baptist which Epic was part of in it's infancy. So we look around the place and don't mention much, say thanks to Glori-Jean who's shown us around and then head out to the park opposite to talk. We then decide to pray, we can see that this place could work as it's close to downtown and yet a safe neighbourhood, which doesn't particularly interest Jamie or myself. We asked God to give us an idea of guidance on the place.

Two hours later I receive a phone call from Cindy, the owner. She wants to know who we are and some more details. She also wants to cut a bargain. So I tell her that we're a Christian group looking for somewhere etc. She then says that she used to attend Brentview. She comes at me with the question, 'so how would nine of you live in the 8 bedroom house.' I then tell her that it's our intention that we share rooms, Jamie and Me in one, Pam and Sherry another and RJ and Nolan another. So I get the response I was expecting, 'guys and girls in the same house', an uneasy tone in her voice. She wonders what we're about and whether she can let this happen. I then tell her that as we looked around the building we were trying to work out whether the guys could go on one floor, with the girls on another. Plus I said with 4 Bathrooms in the property there's safety too. Good old North America. So she then says 'wow, that's great', clearly pleased by my diplomatic response and caution in my voice. She then proceeds to say 'well I don't have a problem with that'. She then said, that she wanted to cut a deal to be able to use the Basement from time to time. She'd be prepared to drop the rent and include utilities as long as she could furnish the basement. We could use it still, but not always. I said wow, as we weren't sure we could meet the amount needed for rent.

She then asks who we are and what we're about. So I tell her a bit about our dream of a community house and about prayer for the city, about our values. She's astounded! Last week after putting the property up for rent in June, she and her husband turned to prayer to ask God for someone to rent it, but that it would be a blessing to someone. She then tells me that the place has been a great place of peace and joy for 3 years for her family. The previous tenants also had 40 years of blessing and before that the kid that grew up in the house became a catholic bishop. She said I know this house is meant for God.

The next day she rang back to give us the price, 4000 a month including utilities, free phone to US+Canada, and Cable TV. Plus she then says if you want to have people to stay in the guest suite when she's not using it, then that's fine. At which I said that was one thing I was going to ask as we're about hospitality and would love to have a place for people to stay. She responds by saying I'm all about hospitality, it's one of my primary gifts.'

So the following week we realise the gift from God this is for us and all take a step in faith to sign our contract to move into a community house of prayer starting September 1st 2006

One Art?

2005-10-29T00:46:00.000-07:00

I went to see a film entitled 'In Her Shoes' tonight. A couple of key moments in the film involved poetry. One such poem is One Art by Elizbeth Bishop.

A couple of lines in the poem got me going as I consedered some of what I will lose when I come to Canada next year. Friends and family have always been of major importance to me and yet I can so often be like the message that sometimes come up on my wireless 'limited or no connectivity'. So here over this next year is an attempt to connect to those whom I love, to communicate to you more.

The thing of looking at poetry made me question where I am at with poetry as a creative form in my own life. So I thought I'd write my own bit of poetry to try and convey myself.

The Great Divide

I once was a poet
I've just recalled that I knew
1+1 =3 with no tick
Forced me so quick
To think around and through and accumulate, accrue

Building a tower was all the rage,
But something far more ornate, would surely satisfy?

Pressing the Escape button

2005-10-25T07:33:00.000-07:00

First of all I have to confess that one of the details of yesterday's blog was a tad inaccurate. The prayer written saying 'Love God not money' was as I said a childlike prayer and that is because I found out later that it was written by Dan Schoester's son Logan. Not exactly the cool simple revelation from some resident in the Salvation Army centre that I thought it was. Oh well we all make mistakes. I was told though that one of the other little nuggets on the walls was written by this guy who waltzed into the prayer room, wrote a profound statement and waltzed out again. The statement was akin to 'If we have no pain then how do we know that we are in this reality' and then moved onto thank God for the pain. The implications of a statement like that are massive, something so much about God showing us the pain around us that he doesn't want us to just leave and press the escape button.

The Eagle has Landed

2005-10-23T08:35:00.000-07:00

Journeys are amazing, everyone on them has an interesting story to tell. Yet again I find myself asking God for this not to be a tune in chill out flight. I have to admit I fail pretty much at that for the majority of the journey today. But at the key moments I always end up chatting to someone, in the lounge before boarding and then once in my seat on take off and landing.

In the airport lounge I got chatting to a couple from between Vancouver and Calgary whom had a son who used to serve at this Salvation Army centre in Calgary, which is where I write this from. They are amazed at the idea of 24-7 Prayer, just a little chance to share.

The 24-7 Prayer guys in Calgary this week are having a prayer week in a salvation army homeless centre and this is where I am writing now and reflecting on the day (more like 2days, I'm so tired).

On the flight I watched Ray. The film moved me as I thought of all of our flawed characters, and how without God in our lives how sad it is. You know sad, the word that used to mean something other that being the opposite of cool. I didn't cry at the film although it was one of those films that usually has me blubbering a bit. I held back the tears because of the 2 guys sitting next to me, Big bruisers of guys who work in construction. I get to chat to them quite a lot during the flight. I don't really get to share anything of who I am, except that I offer them sweets,drinks and the newspaper. Things that the old airlines used to offer.

Upon landing, an eagle landed with us. I watched it out of the window pouncing on it's prey. I wondered what it means, it seemed quite an interesting sign, if you believe in those sort of things.

I'm amazed at how several people from the shelter have wandered into get a piece of this prayerful place. Two or Three are gathered silently writing and producing their own bits of art. The prayer room is alive with bits of stuff. It's alive with writings and pictures from those brave amongst the Christian fraterninty to come and cross the threshold of what is essentially a crack house. But it's also vibrant with prayers of genuine childlike, heartfelt and crazy prayers offered up by those that dwell in the building, 'Love God, not money' one such revelation says.

I find myself asking why have we removed the poor from the place of prayer in so much of our Churchianity. Capture us again O Lord. I'm pretty dead on my feet but am amazed at your presence here God. Let me join you in your outworking of you plan. You are here beckoning me to come, put up your sails and ride the wind of the open water.

Crapness at Updating of blog

2005-10-22T08:40:00.000-07:00

Hello all, I just wanted to say that I haven't written in ages and that from here on in I will try to update about once a week. Over the next few days whilst in Calgary this maybe more.

Andy

Your Country Needs You

2005-04-17T06:44:00.000-07:00

I thought that the exercise must have been written by someone who is anti the two party system as the questions were written as such, but the result came out as I expected. Instead of just being the gen x disillusioned, actually get out and do something. I strongly urge people to vote in the upcoming election. Although I'm realistic about Democracy being a flawed system we still have a chance to speak, so use that chance. there ends the party political broadcast at step up, I shall promise not to take up too much space with the upcoming election.

Who should I vote for?

Your expected outcome:

Liberal Democrat

Your actual outcome:

Labour -18
Conservative -15
	Liberal Democrat 32
UK Independence Party -8
	Green 17

You should vote: Liberal Democrat

The LibDems take a strong stand against tax cuts and a strong one in favour of public services: they would make long-term residential care for the elderly free across the UK, and scrap university tuition fees. They are in favour of a ban on smoking in public places, but would relax laws on cannabis. They propose to change vehicle taxation to be based on usage rather than ownership.

Take the test at Who Should You Vote For

It runs like Clockwork… It’s every Wednesday… Orange Wednesdays!

2005-04-15T17:04:00.000-07:00

So there’s this article on the 24-7Prayer site in the news section linking to an item called ‘How monks invented the alarm clock to help them pray’.

For some reason I’d never considered how we involved with 24-7 prayer are tied into such technology such as the advancement of the clock to recognise time. In order to pass the baton of prayer we need to have a system of time a la the Benedictine monks. This article made me stop and think upon this whole concept and think about rhythms. It’s seems clear to me that nature reflects rhythm in a big way and yet clocks, a human invention although completely reflecting rhythm have ended up taking us out rhythm with nature. We adopt meetings to last a certain amount of time; we work in the dark during winter all because we have our own 9-5 little prison to thank. What was a great tool for good to be able to monitor when one should be resting, working studying or praying has become a manacle.

It’s always interesting looking at certain developing world cultures where the clock has not played such a role. Do they get so upset with tardiness, with stresses of rushing and disobeying speed limits? Well some might, but I do remember spending time with an African guy at university and it was great to talk to him as he never felt like he was rushing to another place. There’s an element of complete hospitality when we abandon our clocks. Every person we meet in that scenario, might feel more like appointments by God. We see plenty of this in our own lives when we host visitors and for a while, time sometimes has to go on the backburner as we try to discover what becoming Mary is about. I’d have loved to see what Jesus’ disciples were like in terms of trying to move him on to other engagements. Part of me has to consider whether he played havoc with them. It’s this deep desire to learn more about these rhythms of hospitality; relationship and prayer that make me keener to discover the urban monk within.

24-7 Prayer developed out of a look at the Moravians in Hernhut who took on prayer in periods of time and rhythms. We at 24-7 take it on using the clock to interpret time. Is this evolution and also a way God wants to redeem one of man’s better inventions?

The Pope Must Die

2005-04-03T23:55:00.000-07:00

I know it’s an insensitive title, but it borrows the tile of a funny movie starring Robbie Coltrane and speaks a truth that the Pope has a physical death. This fact one cannot deny. Sorry if it causes offence.

I’m not about to get into the theological wrangling of Catholicism; instead I choose to walk the true call to a united ecumenism.

I had the privilege to be at the 24-7 Prayer Canada Gathering in Calgary today. Our 3-day conference was housed in the recently launched Urban Monastery, which resides in a building hosted by the Catholic “The Jesus Loves You Society”.

A 3rd Order Franciscan monk named Carla hosts the building. The Urban Monastery here in Calgary, really are journeying and exploring Catholic roots of monasticism.

Today was so great to pray in a Catholic building at such a key time for the church as Pope John Paul II passed away. Today I got to pray with my new friend Chris Jones in the chapel in this place. The heaviness of the presence of God in this room was incredible and we found ourselves having to be on our knees.

Home of the Brave

2005-03-29T23:04:00.000-08:00

Last time I left Canada, I thought I would return for good, the place felt like home, upon arrival at Toronto, travel weary, I am in awe of God’s creation; the ice fields of Labrador were stunning. Whilst in the air there was a real stillness in the skies today.

As I’m writing, I’m checking the DVD I brought containing a show reel of Gosbrook house, our new venue for prayer in Reading. Already I miss it. I’ve been down a couple of times since the launch and it’s so good to be getting back to what we’re meant to be about. The time away was oh so valuable, but was way too long. At last these boiler rooms seem to be taking off. Let’s not hype it too much as it is very much a start in Reading, Wandsworth and Calgary.

I deliberately leave out our other active Boiler Room, Staines, because after their last week of 24-7Prayer, something there really seems to have shifted and the guys have found that they’ve had several youngsters coming in and hanging out. The time they’ve taken considerately to sow into the area really seems to be coming into a place now of meeting the needs of some of the local kids. Nigel, West London Boiler Room guru, was telling me last night all about a group of young offenders that they’ve been working with. At their regular Thursday morning with these guys, one of the lads was having a go at life in general, and in particular Christianity, The Boiler Room team proceeded to let this play out as several of the offenders who feel that they’re on their last chance, managed to get really heated with one another. One of the lads, with no background and no connection to Christianity then decided to back the Boiler Room guys. He said how much they’d helped him and that they could help this other lad too. The rest of the group then got involved and backed the lad who loves the Boiler crew. With tensions then diffusing as this leader of the mob backed Nigel and his companions, we’re now left with a bunch of kids who just want to come and spend time at this boiler room.

It’s with this sense of watching, waiting, 24-7-365, time being taken to watch and wait, that I’m eager to see how my friends in Calgary are doing.

God Bless to all my friends at home, time away makes one realise who matter.

Lil' Red Dress

2005-03-25T04:01:00.000-08:00

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Yep, if I was a Babe I would have been Babe-raham Lincoln

Pastor of Muppets

2005-03-01T12:05:00.000-08:00

well everyone's doing it, what muppet are you.

Visit

You are Rowlf.
You are a loner, and love classical music, You can
play the piano without opposable thumbs. Then
again, you are just a Muppet.

ALSO KNOWN AS:
Ol' Brown Ears
HOBBIES:
Piano playing, punning, fetching.

QUOTE:
"My bark is worse than my bite, and my piano
playing beats 'em both."

FAVORITE MOVIE:
"The Dogfather"

FAVORITE COMPOSER:
Poochini

FAVORITE SONG:
"I've Never Harmed An Onion, So Why Should
They Make Me Cry?"

What Muppet are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Look at me

2005-01-21T07:31:00.000-08:00

I've become all trendy with of these white bands. Get to it support the campaign that brought you a couple of hundred female vicars marching onto Tony Blair's doorstep. More tea vicar? no, less poverTEA Prime Minister.

Walk to Christmas

2004-12-24T10:03:00.000-08:00

Every year we take the walk to Christmas. It is becoming a longer walk for most of us starting in the materialistic west in October and in some places earlier. December now is an entire month celebrating this winter festival period, which used to be enjoyed for at most a day.

Our old village Anglican Church this year took on labyrinth with a twist. We called it the Walk to Christmas and it used the 9 readings taken from the Nine Lessons and Carols service that is celebrated every year at Kings College Cambridge. Each prayer station had a bit of a devotional meditation to take us on the journey. It was so great to stop and spend time during this ‘stressful’ time and realise that this path is one we take every year and yet our journeys with God are ongoing and seldom feel like you are doing the same journey year on year.
I joked the other day that the church gets so stressed that we should think of having a jubilee Christmas every 7 years where we abstain from celebrations. Yet in this time I’ve realised the importance of annual pilgrimage. So often New Year gives us this time to reflect and come to a place of new beginning and new hope. Let’s hope it’s a good one, with plenty of cheer.

*My favourite station in our prayer week at church involved a map of Israel and Palestine. My friend Steve cut this up to make it into a jigsaw and left it apart such that when coming to pray one would complete the jigsaw puzzle.

Family Life

2004-12-20T10:06:00.000-08:00

A time for giving, a time for sharing. The words of Cliff Richard really do it at this time of year.

Sadly advertising campaigns this year, particularly those internet companies have changed the sentiment that’s Christmas is all about receiving.

Pilgrim's lack of progress

2004-12-18T00:35:00.000-08:00

Being ill over the last couple of weeks has had it’s ups in that I picked up a copy of Pilgrim’s progress. Having had an interesting journey with Christ over the last few years and what with my work with the Boiler Room, a look at pilgrimage was overdue. Often in my journey it’s felt much like pilgrim’s lack of progress, what with the constant having to call in sick and feeling like you’re disappointing people. I know one thing I’ve been looking at in my life has been guilt, but really I should not feel guilty at all as I’m limited, we’re all limited by these bodies of ours and mine in particular limits me a lot. If people by don’t understand it’s their fault, and not mine and for The Evil One to keep whispering in my ear about guilt is not something that an already suffering body needs, so I’m not going to listen to him. Rather like Smeagol deciding not to listen to Gollum. At this point I have to say I’m don’t have multiple personality disorder quite like Gollum.

Not sure quite what to make of Pilgrim’s progress, not convinced by it at first but only due to the cheesiness in storytelling. It does make one wonder about writing a postmodern pilgrim’s progress. Although that makes one think that the word progress shouldn’t be contained in the title due to the rejection of science and progress. The thing that has been great in reading this book is that it was given to me by my late nanna when I was in my teens after confirmation. I’m so glad I didn’t read it then, it would have totally alienated me and caused me great confusion. It amazes me to think of my grandparents who have always been involved with the Church of England, having read this book. It’s been great to revel in their understanding of Christ and to think of my nanna being in ‘The Celestial City’ and also the idea of her trying to help her grandson on his spiritual journey is something to admire. I guess it’s those sort of things that seem poignant at this time of year.

Paying the price of watching life fly by. Deconstructing Andy

2004-11-03T13:38:00.000-08:00

As some of you may know, I’ve decided and been forced to give up my car. So these last couple of weeks back home in leafy Windlesham (the village of my home, v much like the shire in Lord of The Rings) have been somewhat challenging. No public transport exists for miles around in our Tory-centric wannabe idyllic village.

Pilgrimage is so much fun when you’re not busting a gut in the busy traffic, also when you’re having to rely on people to give you lifts or just the chance to sit and watch life on the train. Thousands of us daily take up our little commutes and yet how many of us think of our little trip being little pilgrimages to the places where we’re going. Are we expecting to meet with God where we are going, or whilst we travel.?

Again I want to flag up this amazing book ‘Eleanor Rigby’, this is my must read for the year. Having already got into the importance of incarnation I’m now forced to think about what travel does to us. Coupland journeys on the idea that travel dissolves us, forcing us to rebuild who we are, and yet our cars let us stay the same.

I have to think more about preparation to travel and the reality is that also when I get my bike, being forced not to travel by my condition. I know that this is key for me. If I’m not well enough to ride my bike to get out, I’m not well enough to work and travel half the country to see you. This is very much the way it will be in the next while and will be a forced discipline I need to heed.

Coupland goes on about all the religious whacks that hang out at airports, stations and ‘gateways’ as he put it. All because they know that it’s a chance to reconstruct YOU.

I’ve come from a meeting last night in an amazing place called the Jesus House in North London. This is a Black Majority Church just on the bottom of the M1 motorway. It used to be a RAC building. The RAC building was a place that directed traffic communication. The site of this building makes one wonder why God would want to give that place over to Him to Prayer and Worship. This evening is a meeting about looking at establishing a Boiler Room in North London. This was a truly great evening, where Black and White worshipped and prayed together with common cause, praying for God to do something with us here in North London.

Now I'm 9

2004-10-31T13:34:00.000-08:00

Yes today is the 9th anniversary of this adversary in me named ME, yuppy flu, royal free disease, Chronic Fatigue. Whatever it is you're not welcome in me, so please goodbye.

How weird all to happen on this thing called halloween, anyone else think halloween is bad news other than me?

On Cruise Control

2004-10-24T13:29:00.000-07:00

After my amazing night in Toronto I get to my next leg of the trip. It’s now time for the whirlwind Great Lakes tour. Niagara - Grand Rapids – Chicago – Grand Rapids and back to Toronto. So what of it? Well all I can say is that most of it, my mind was on cruise control like my car. After my deep level connection to Calgary and the previous night my time alone on this trip, was certainly dissolving me, but not much more.

I loved Chicago, but what did I love it for? I walked the streets and people tried to take advantage of me. There’s none of the naivety of the Canadian underclass here. Every beggar here was out to gain and weren’t satisfied with what little I could give. Crazies try and get me into their little schemes and gangs really scare me as I walk just South of the Loop, ok I’ll turn back. At one point I get asked the time by 4 guys and then go D’oh as I realise they’re looking at my watch. They then stare me out before I casually turn round and walk away, keen to be confident as I do this. They don’t hassle me again, but thanks that you were onto it God as I’m such a dummy.

Some of this trip feels like I’m in an interactive movie as I’m with no one I know to give me context to life. I interact with people, but it’s all so limited. I purchase a bit of food, buy a ticket to the train, I feel almost autistic in the limit of what this interactive movie can do. Won’t someone be real with me? At least throw us a line that’s not in the script, surely there’s heart somewhere not just a ‘you’re welcome’ or ‘have a nice day’?

I’m so glad that I have the wedding of James and Kari to go to put me back into context with the living. This was a great Wedding and, I love all you guys there.

The last part of the trip is back in Toronto where I decide to go to The Toronto Airport Christian Fellowship. Here I line up as most do to take the trip down a Firewall. Going down in the Spirit is nothing new to me(*), and actually the part I took away from this place was the good solid teaching which confirmed a load of stuff God had been chatting to me about limits of bodies and to ponder what it will be like to fly. Matrix people.

*God, I still love it when you touch by your spirit, please don’t be dissed

Cecilia, You're Breaking My Heart

2004-10-18T22:10:00.000-07:00

I’ve now come across to Toronto. I had a great time in Calgary and didn’t prepare myself at all for the next part of this adventure. I certainly am feeling a little more alone now going into the big cities of Toronto and Chicago alone, but that’s part of the fun. Toronto is a complete different flavour from Calgary. You’re met with the Northeast’s modern edge, with the unwholesome neighbourhoods.

I thought I’d booked a hostel in the Kensington area in Chinatown which is cooky, but with social problems on it’s doorstep.

My first step in Toronto was to get some food and watch some baseball, so I headed down to the Skydome by the awesome (not in the American slang sense of the word) CN Tower. The Skydome was dead but for the half open Hard Rock Café, where I thought it would be a hoot to watch this historic game for the Boston Red Sox. The bar staff stayed open for me, the place was dead and less than the spectacle I’d imagined. I realised at this point God had other plans for me in Toronto and it wasn’t to supply me with my romantic idea of watching a crucial baseball game in one of the homes of baseball.

I walked the streets of Toronto after this to get back to my hostel half way across town. I felt a real heaviness and was completely challenged as I passed each homeless person meekly chattering for change. I had no change; I didn’t even want to buy one of these guys a coffee. In this spend, spend, spend culture, I’d hardened myself and I hated it. But it’s easy to do, isn’t it?

So as I passed this one lady crouched down with a crutch by her side, something happened. I can only say that the Holy Spirit did something as I had become hard. I walked on by and then I heard her plaintive cry, I made an about turn. What could I do? I’m now short of any Canadian cash and have no clue what to offer. So I start to talk. I listened. I listened for about an hour to her story. This woman called Cecilia the drunk, was just opening up her soul. Maybe I was too probing, but something in me told me I wasn’t. I felt awkward and strange, but she too is a stranger in her own city. Cecilia is a First Nations lady, with kids and a husband east of the city. Her drinking problem has taken her from that environment. She’s been living on the Streets of Toronto for 3 years now, and day in day out manages to get enough alcohol to keep her going. She despises it. It only takes her 20 minutes to raise $40 for funds each day as she sits begging. I found her not whilst begging, but beside a cardboard box in Chinatown. Next to her was her ‘brother on the streets’. I didn’t meet him; he was out cold from the drink. As I scratched the surface some more, I learn about a car crash Cecilia had a year ago that has wrecked her leg. The damage is extensive. I’m so overcome with this lady, as tears roll down her face, I sense the only thing I have to offer is prayer.

Cecilia accepts this as if it’s the most important thing anyone has ever done for her. I even get to lay my hand on her hand as she offers it to me. She used to go to mass as a teenager. After I pray a prayer of toil as I struggle for words, Cecilia prays a prayer of confession and acceptance to Jesus. I needed not to prompt these things. She asks Jesus to stop her addiction. She comes to Him as a woman who is used to calling out His name, yet it seemed as if this prayer was different. She tells me after that she prays often, but doesn’t believe in it, but tonight she offers, felt different. I tell her the Holy Spirit has come upon her and that she need to pray that again and again.

I was reading Douglas Coupland’s latest novel, ‘Eleanor Rigby’ earlier in which the lead character in the book talks of being trapped by a body. This is what Jesus did in being incarnate. It is also too, the frustration Cecilia had, and she was open about it. I told her of the hope in Heaven of our resurrection body. I too look forward to this day. No longer limited by a body tired, energy sapped. What this body will look like is up for grabs. Physically, I’m sure it will still look strange. Jesus after all, still had marks in his flesh, but the Spirit will be free, free to fly from this limited lump of particles. Hope is an amazing thing. God’s glory came on me tonight, Thank you, Lord.

Please pray for Cecilia, she needs our prayers. Pray that she finds love, peace and provision.

As I walk thru the Garden

2004-10-15T16:48:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here waiting for the dump load of snow due tonight. The weather is finally on the turn.

Not feeling so great today after last couple of days enjoyment I guess it’s good to take a breather. Yesterday I got to venture up to Canmore, near Banff again, as Paul Weganest had arranged to meet up with a Welsh guy called Phil for lunch. Phil is over here having set up a B&B/prayer room in the mountains. He’s very interested in reconciliation between the First Nations and the settlers here. It was great to meet him and see someone who is fathering a lot of the Epic team here. We certainly had some exciting stuff to talk through but for more of that I guess things will happen in time.

After this journey, came home to then be organised by Sherri Victor to go out to watch the film ‘Garden State’. This is an amazing film all about the numbness we sometimes feel whilst journeying with life. It spoke to me lots about feeling alive and having just had that great day the day before of complete crystal clear thinking it was good to thank God for those sort of days and the fact that in Him there is so much more. Over the last few years I really have struggled with this as my health has often made it hard to really have that joi de vivre. Also with Doctors that put me on stupid medication that just makes you live on a constant, it make you realise how feeling is living. It was a great night as I got to see, although briefly, some guys I met over the last few months.

Oh Deer!

2004-10-13T23:30:00.000-07:00

I got up v early today to head to Banff and have a day just to clear the head and to live something of a Zihuatanejo experience, a completely exhilarating day. Not just that it was a restful day but it also felt like it was a day of meeting Jesus.

So I got a ride from a hilarious guy called Brent. He’s part of the Calgary Urban Monastery team and I stayed with him and his preggers wife Carlee last week when I arrived. They are a great couple with a grand sense of faith and humour. Road trippin’ across here before sunrise felt mental, especially in this big truck that Brent has for his work with Bobcat. We listened to Our Lady Peace on the way there and the shimmer of the mountains as the sun began to think about rising was something else. On arrival in Banff, Brent stops only so much as to find an elk besides us peacefully eating the grass outside one of the many hotels here. It’s mating season and Brent tells us not to stay too long as they get very aggressive, even on some occasions charging cars and damaging the bodywork.

Having been dropped off a la Wrigley’s Spearmint gum advert from 15 years ago, the stranger walks into town. Funny thing is that everyone’s a stranger in this town. However that’s the joy of the place that people have centred on this site to marvel at God’s creation and enjoy the Hot Springs nearby.

I turn to a local diner for an authentic North American breakfast before heading up on my hike up Tunnel Mountain. One of the smaller mountains, I’m hit by the realisation that often my mountain in life is smaller than that of other people but that, it’s still a mountain. Before setting off, the local tourist office tell me some tips to watch out for bears, cougars, wolves and elk, all of whom can be quite aggressive. So I’m told to make noise as I hike, so I start off singing some worship that quickly turns into crazy old songs that I remember from when I was a kid. One such song was Valderee, valdera … a knapsack on my back …and as I go a wandering… Oh the joy. It was by now getting quite warm and the views are spectacular. I spend a couple of hours at the top of this peak looking across the Bow Valley down into Banff and just enjoying the place of crystal clear thinking. One can see why Moses heard so audibly from God on the top of Mount Sinai.

On my way down I was conscious of wanting to meet with the world, the ascetic is all very well but only in the context of the intimacy with God time transferring across to our contemporaries. I start to walk up to the Upper Hot Springs here in Banff for some soaking time. With our new building in Reading to house a well, I was conscious of the healing of going to the hot springs. It certainly helped those bones of mine, so much of the time hurting from my body’s fatigue. Whilst there I decided to pray that God would provide someone at the springs that I would need to help and that would need to help me. Nowt happened up there, however a woman who I was sitting beside in the hot tub, followed me down off the mountain through the woods. Then, a family of deer, who didn’t really like the look of me, accosted me. I can understand why, but suddenly I was stopped in my tracks and the lady behind me caught me up. She too was a little startled at this and we both sat tight as this deer 2 feet from me, gave me the evils. After a couple of minutes they walked on by. We were then able to get going and I then was able to start chatting with this lady named Sharon.

Sharon’s a care worker from Connecticut. We talked at length for a while all about what each of us did, and I told her I worked for a worldwide prayer movement at which she was really interested. She had a background in the church; she went to various Baptist camps as a teenager but seemed very much an occasional worshipper. We talked a bit about God, she then says to me ‘Can I pay for your bus fare back in to Banff?’ She said that it was the least she could do, as she hadn’t put any money in the local church coffers recently. When I tell her that God had told me that her being there with the deer was a time where we were both able to help each other and it was something of an answer of prayer, she was not at all surprised and said ‘well if you’ll talk to God, I guess you got to expect Him to talk back’. Over the next 15 minutes it really seems that God had me there to reinvigorate this woman’s faith. She has been serving for years and seemed pretty dry and she seemed genuinely thankful for our conversation, and yet it was her who shouted my bus fare. Thanks Lord.

It was now time to scoot back on the Greyhound to Calgary. Wow, I love the Greyhound. I have to admit my opinion of this was very prejudicial. Sorry to be such a snob. This was great, comfy and yet cheap as chips. I got to sit next to a 60 yr old lady who was charming and was travelling from her home in British Columbia to Winnipeg. That’s a mental journey lasting 2 days pretty much. On arriving in Calgary I finished off my Sabbath experience of a day by watching some baseball having a beer downtown. I must remember to make my Sabbath like that more often, and for that I’ve got my life completely wrong. This whole thing of spending time with God, his creation and then just running with it without just being laid up in bed is surely better. I must not let myself get laid up in bed and spend my Sabbath burnt out from the rest of the week. Sabbath was meant to be rest not distress and catch-up. So all in all this is part of me maturing. Understandings as I carry on more in ministry this need to rest. For me that’s more than most, but God’s cool with it, it just needs to be me being cool with it.

As the Dodgers fade, someone needs to step in

2004-10-13T22:36:00.000-07:00

Hi, Finally thought I'd catch up with this world and Blog. Watch out for more info about my trip in Canada. No Doubt!